The “New Normal”: My Reflections on Living with Incurable Breast Cancer.
I had already survived and won a significant stoush with breast cancer 6 years ago. When I was diagnosed with incurable metastatic breast cancer last year though, I had a major reality check. Suddenly, my previous breast cancer seemed like a walk in the park.
With the previous cancer my surgeon told me to treat it like a job for a year and project manage the hell out of it. That advice was perfect for my organised brain – and I took it literally; ticking off the surgery, chemotherapy and radiation treatments until the job was successfully done.
This time however we were advised by our oncologist that this cancer was the “new normal”. Living with cancer and treatments would soon become a way of life.
What has surprised me is how quickly I have managed to deal with the shock, distress and overwhelming sense that life would never be the same.
Sure, like everyone I’ve had bad days and bad nights. I have struggled with the fact that future plans and dreams probably won’t happen. Retirement options are not even worth considering. I’ve done the bargaining with God or anyone listening, been angry and grief stricken. But maybe because this is my second time, I’ve seemed to process all that and move through it fairly rapidly.
I have resolved to enjoy what I’ve got rather than break my heart over what I will miss. I have two great step kids with partners, a new grandchild and another on the way, a loving husband, a teenage son and friends and family too special and supportive to count. In short, I have decided to stop sweating the small stuff and start enjoying myself before it’s too late. Life will never be the same but it’s still life right? While I’ve got it, I’ll enjoy it.
I know one day there will be no treatment options left, no energy left to fight, and no time left, but until that time I intend to live with it before I die from it.